Yoga practice

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July 30, 2009

The discipline to compete

Posted by joya under Figure contest prep, Yoga practice, working out
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People ask me all the time what does it take for me to make it on stage to a figure competition.

I can tell you it’s a number of things. As most of my readers know, I am an avid yogini and have been for the past 16 years. The desire to compete in figure came to fruition just last year.

Before that, I was busy being a mom and a wife, with yoga always my personal practice, my ‘me time’.

As a yoga instructor, I find I practice more on my own than with others. Part of this is due to the  complexity of my own schedule, juggling 2 jobs and having a large family.

So finding the discipline to prepare for a figure competition, is all in my mindset. I sometimes surprise myself on how I do it.

I personally lift weights only 4 times a week. I focus on my upper body 2 times a week and on legs 2 times a week. I practice power yoga 3 times a week and have one full day of rest. I typically don’t work my abs on leg day only because I get plenty of ab work done during my yoga practice.

I wake up at 4:45 every morning. I take my vitamins then I eat breakfast – almost always oatmeal and egg whites 30 minutes later. I am at work by 6:00 a.m. I get in the gym by 10:30 and will work out (including a shower) until 12:00 noon. I leave work by 4:00 p.m.

My meals are at the same time every day:

5:30 am

8:30 am

12:00 noon

2:30 pm

5:30 pm

8:30 pm

I am in bed by 10:00 p.m. and that’s a regular work week for me. I fit in my yoga practice on Wednesday nights, Friday nights, and Saturday mornings.

My kids range from the ages 11 down to 4 years old so taking time away from them on top of my 2 jobs is heartbreaking for the whole family – so I work in gym time during my work day and simply eat my lunch at my desk.

I have a support system as well. I have a trainer that helps me focus on my weak spots in the gym – I typically see her every 4 weeks and she helps me switch up my program so my body is constantly being worked.

I check in my nutritionist occasionally when I need some inspiration to stick to the diet. The diet is the hardest thing. I think I am good compared to the average competitor because I find I don’t get tempted to cheat unless it’s that time of the month – but checking in with my nutritionist here and there gives me plenty of accountability.

When it comes down to it, I love to work out. I love to practice yoga. I love to see the transformation in my body as the weeks go by. So I guess you could call me a natural.

Yesterday was over 100 degrees in Seattle. That’s crazy weather for the Northwest. I had a frozen yogurt last night and ate it slow. It was delicious!

Tonight I teach hot yoga – and yes – students show up even in this kind of heat. True yogis and yoginis at heart, I love it.

Namaste.

 

July 3, 2009

2 weeks out to my figure competition

Posted by joya under Figure contest prep, The weigh in, Work, Yoga practice, working out
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I cannot believe I am only 2 weeks out from my figure competition. The time has really gone by fast!

I am happy to report I am at 6 percent body fat, and honestly – I feel great. I wonder if it’s because this is my third show and my second year competing- I know what to expect.

I get in the gym – which I always look forward in doing – and I am focused. I love to work out. I love to see the transformation in my body. And I have seriously transformed my body in the past 5 weeks.

I started taking different supplements under the suggestion of a friend. I said I would ‘try’ it out and see if there was any difference. This is what I was taking based on what my nutritionist suggested:

  • Glutamine
  • BCAA’s (branch chain amino acids)
  • Protein – powder form
  • No Xplode by BSN
  • Calcium
  • Magnesium
  • Vitamin C
  • Vitamin E
  • Vitamin B complex
  • Potassium

I gave my friend the list and she returned telling me to take the following:

  • Muscle Fuel
  • Arginine Extreme
  • Muscle Strength
  • Catalyst
  • MSN Max3

I asked my nutritionist if he ever heard of AdvoCare and he told me they were a reputable company but that it was direct sales so I would have to go through a distibutor.

Like many other direct sales companies, you have to become a distributor to get a discount. I am just too frugal to pay full price for anything so I signed up once I took some of the samples and loved the difference in my workouts.

My results were immediate. In fact, I have been able to retain all my muscle and at 97 pounds, I have nearly 5 pounds of muscle more than my first shows and it’s obvious.

My shoulders have more size and although I am still lean and very defined, I am not skinny by any means. I look and feel strong, I feel beautiful.

I am now stage ready 2 weeks out from my show, so I am just enjoying the fact I have more energy than I ever have. I’m not hungry like I’ve been in my past contest preps. I feel a level of confidence I can’t say I have imagined I could ever have.

My nutritionist was so impressed with my physique, he told me to stick with what I am doing. Music to my ears!

My friend Thomas is working on my suit. I cannot wait to see the finished result  and to post pictures on my site when I am through with my show. My goal is to stick with finishing in the top 5 like I have been able to do – but truly I want to be in the top 3 so that I may compete on a national level.

I have been teaching 4 classes a week and my life is very busy but the power yoga classes have indeed – been very powerful. I make them fun and energizing, and my classes are all about my students.

One day soon – by next year I will teach and not be concerned whether I am getting paid or not. I will teach simply because it is a gift I give to others. That’s my intention. That’s my goal.

So until then, keep reading my friends. Thank you.

Namaste.

 

June 22, 2009

Figure competition – 4 weeks out

Posted by joya under Figure contest prep, HYM wear, The weigh in, Yoga practice, working out | Tags: |
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Down to the count now, finally I am here.

Just under 4 weeks out and I am right under 8%bodyfat. I’m still eating well though. So far, I’m not really cutting my carbs quite yet. I have a feeling that will change by the end of this week.

My diet changed 2 weeks ago and life so happens to make it that I have barely posted on my blog. I apologize to all my dear friends and fellow yoginis that feel they know me. I know there are many hot yoga mamas out there, moms who feel the pressure I feel on a daily basis.

Here are my stats:

current weight: 97.2 pounds

bodyfat: 7.75%

goal: 6.5

Honestly, I thought Pete told me we should stay at 7% but he said for sure we won’t go below 6.5 now. My fear is that I will look too skinny and frankly I like the way I look now. I feel good enough to walk on stage and I love the fact I can take Sundays off completely – and eat whatever I want. This is a carbo load day for me and yesterday I ate 3 peanut butter granola bars. They were so good I can see why my kids love them so much!

I got to eat a full plate of good ol’ Filipino food after church yesterday to celebrate Father’s Day. I topped it off with some chocolate cake and Leche Flan. I was one happy gym rat.

Saturday I taught the 10:00 Power Yoga class in the studio. Most of the students were asking for core work so I gave it to them. They were having a hard time keeping up with the flow. I have to remember to slow down. I can’t expect my students to keep up with me in the first class! It was so good even I was sore the next day.

My suit is now being custom sewn with Swarovski crystals by my friend Thomas who is a designer. He’s done some beading work for the family business before on wedding gowns. I completely trust his work. I am looking forward to seeing what he comes up with for me.

I have a posing class on Thursday and I am proud to say my posing is so much better than it has been in the past. I pray all my hard work pays off.

Today and tomorrow I eat mainly chicken breast, Tilapia and veggies. Wednesday night I get to have a cheat meal and a burger is calling out my name!

I can’t wait to finish with the contest so that I can do an herbal cleanse and restart my system altogether. Herbal cleanses are great for those who feel they have a sluggish digestive system.

Trust me that I will track my cleanse online hear so any of you women looking to start fresh and have some renewed energy – you can ask me questions and I’ll tell you what you need to do.

I am 40 years old now and I still look young. But if you don’t already know, our metabolism slows down after 35 and after having children. So taking care of ourselves by eating well, drinking mostly water, and honoring our bodies with exercise – will keep us looking and feeling young.

I hope that you feel you can ask me anything about what I do, how I do it, how I balance my life, and find time to be a mom and a wife and just about anything else in my life.

I always answer questions and reply to emails – and do not post comments for those who have requested they remain anonymous.

I KNOW there is a whole community of Hot Yoga Mamas out there. Tell me who you are!

Let’s let everyone know where the power comes from. I hope to continue to hear from you – my friends…

HOTYOGAMAMAWear is almost public now. Once published, it’s time to spread the word that you are a Hot Yoga Mama. I hope to sell through my tees and tanks quickly so I can make some real yoga clothing!

Namaste.

 

March 13, 2009

Losing Flexibility

Posted by joya under Yoga practice, working out
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I’ve been lifting weights again and doing cardio.

Haven’t returned to the treadmill yet but I’ve been on the bike. I’ve also been taking a Hop Step Kick class on Mondays and Wednesdays.

BTW – last Monday we did a lot of squats and kicks – my bum is more than sore today because of it – 2 days later. It’s good though because I need to kick up the cardio. All that sugar intake has definitely showed up all over my body!

Last night I demonstrated a few poses in yoga class. The classes have been pretty full so often times I stand in the back and just give verbal instruction.

I was able to practice a little bit with the students last night and I noticed how much flexibility I have lost since I haven’t been practicing hot yoga myself. I have mainly been doing power yoga at home.

It makes sense that if you don’t keep up your practice that you’ll lose some of your flexiblity, balance, or strength. Oftentimes, you’ll lose a little of all.

I noticed it the most when I came to Padahastasana, Hands to Feet.

padahastasana

(My husband took this picture of me last Summer). I am pretty flexibile to begin with but last night I had a tough time straightening out my knees.

As I was instructing my class, I was surprised by the tightness of my hamstrings. I guess all that biking and kicking hasn’t done much for them.

It has motivated me to return to my mat in the heat. It’s difficult for me to get into class as a student because my family life is so busy – especially during the week.

On weekends I just want to be a mom and not take time away from the kids at all – so practicing hot yoga means running the bath water as hot as it can get, cranking up the heat in my bathroom (thank goodness it’s the size of small bedroom!) and doing the poses on my own in the comfort of my personal space.

It’s going to take some time but I know I will gain my flexibility back in a very short amount of time.

The body has a keen way of remembering where it’s been before and will work hard to perform at its best.

A lot of new students ask if flexibility will improve over time. The answer is always yes, you just have to remember to be patient and not expect to see progress too soon. A lot of people want to see a difference within a couple weeks, and that’s just not going to happen.

As I write this, I’m remembering my own advice…to be good at something, you have to practice it, you have to study, become a good student.

Namaste.

 

February 11, 2009

Drill Sergeant Yoga Teacher

Posted by joya under Work, Yoga practice | Tags: , , |
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Last night a male student came up to me after class and commented on my instruction skills, “You’re hard.”

I replied, “I’m sorry?”

He said, “When you introduced yourself and said your name is Joy. I was like, nice gal, happy petite person. I didn’t expect someone in such a compact package would be a drill sergeant!”

Whow. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry. But something tells me that’s what you wanted right? Didn’t you get a good workout?”

He replied with a smile, “It was a great workout. I needed to be pushed. Thank you.”

Now that’s a compliment. I felt like my work was done well! As an instructor, I feel every class is different. There is a general vibe about the students. Most times we have brand new students so I will give plenty of instruction. I also let them know what to expect during the class and how they may feel at the end of 90 minutes.

Students are always so happy to have attended practice. Completely soaked and flushed, they usually walk out saying, “Thanks Joy, I needed that.”

No matter how hard I work them.

As for myself, being an instructor typically means I work out twice as hard in my own practice. It took years but when I come into my breath, I think of nothing else but releasing into each pose with as much precision as I can muster. I typically don’t think of anything else but moving with my breath. I try to talk about this in class but I wonder if my students think I’m a little out there or if I give too much instruction.

“One breath, one movement. Inhale, arms come up over your head, palms touch. Exhale, biceps right next to your ears.”

I guess to new students they don’t even think about breathing because their bodies just naturally do this on their own. To me it’s my breath that moves me into each position.

I think they get it, because I hear inhales in unison and exhales (big sighs of relief) in unison as well.

————————————————————————————————

Onto another note, this is the day that layoffs were done at work. I am happy to report I was not on the list. God knows I have been praying hard for the past  year that I survive each round of layoffs we have had so far. And so far, I have been safe.

I still love my job. I still really believe in the company, but I am alway weary of my future here. I figure I will take the time to find a new job with a company that has a promising future. That may take some time and I am okay with that. I want to be careful about the next move I make because I am looking to make a long term commitment.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that I think the one good thing from all this stress is keeping thin.

I barely have much of an appetite these days! I am certainly losing sleep on top of all that. I guess breaking my nose was a good thing because I am able to sleep from the pain meds they prescribed me.

Oh – so another side note: I noticed the other day now that the swelling is going down that my nose looks different. Some cartilage (that broke) was removed from my nose. When I pinch the middle of my nose, I feel the cartilage is thinner, hence my nose is now narrower! I asked my husband about this last week and he told me I was nuts. My nose looked exactly the same.

Then last night he told me nose did look different, that it appeared narrower. I told him, “See! I told you so! I do look a little different, don’t I?”

I still can’t feel the tip of my nose but that should return within the month (!) which seems like a long time to me.

I don’t think my nose makes me look much different but one other person at work (just this morning) told me that I looked different but they couldn’t put their finger on it.

Hmmmm. Weird.

Anyway, that’s my world on a Wednesday.

I’m going to get back into the gym today, but keeping it easy.

Namaste.

 

December 22, 2008

Yoga – Song of the Soul

Posted by joya under Life, Love, Yoga practice | Tags: , |
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I am neither ego nor reason, I am neither mind nor thought,

I cannot be heard nor cast into words, nor by smell nor sight ever caught;

In light and wind I am not found, nor yet in earth and sky -

Consciousness and joy incarnate, Bliss of the Blissful am I.

 

I have no name, I have no life, I breathe no vital air,

No elements have moulded me, no bodily sheath is my lair;

I have no speech, no hands and feet, nor means of evolution -

Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss in dissolution.

 

I cast aside hatred and passion, I conquested delusion and greed;

No touch of pride caressed me, so envy never did breed:

Beyond all faiths, past reach of wealth, past freedom, past desire,

Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss is my attire.

 

Virtue and vice, or pleasure and plain are not my heritage,

Nor sacred texts, nor offerings, nor prayer, nor pilgrimage:

I am neither food, nor eating, nor yet the eater am I -

Consciousness and joy incarnate, Bliss of the Blissful am I.

I have no misgiving of death, nor chasms of face divide me,

No parent ever called me child, no bond of birth ever tied me:

I am neither disciple nor master, I have no kin, no friend -

Consciousness and joy am I, and merging in Bliss is my end.

 

Neither knowable, knowledge, nor knower am I, formless is my form,

I dwell within the senses but they are not my home:

Ever serenely balanced, I am neither free nor bound -

Consciousness and joy am I, and Bliss is where I am found.

 

December 19, 2008

The Teaching of April

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Last night I had to teach hot yoga, back to back classes, the first one at 6:30 and the next one at 8:15. Since it has been snowing, I didn’t know if anyone would show up but I had to be at the studio just in case someone did. I need to make extra money anyways since my financial situation is so tight right now.

Well, at 6:30 I had one student, someone I have not met before and her name was April. She really wanted other people to show up and I told her I would practice with her (something I never get to do with students since there is so much instruction to be given and certainly no room for me to put my mat down anywhere).

She seemed relieved with the fact I would practice with her.  During the middle of our standing practice she blurted out, “I feel so bloated.” I just said, “You are fine.” I kept on instructing her but noticed she was quite self conscious about her appearance. I just dismissed it and tried to concentrate on the timing of our class.

When we were done, she did not take savasana for long when she mentioned she would be seeing her personal trainer the following day. I acknowledged her for taking her fitness goals to a great level, and for coming to hot yoga when obviously no one else wanted to bear the drive in the snow.

She told me that she wants to be thin. That she is trying everything to lose the last 10-15 pounds and then she would feel happy. That of course triggered something inside of me that raised a yellow flag. I decided to let her talk more so that I could somehow offer some words of wisdom and relieve her of her anxiety.

She told me that when she was young she looked great; she was thin and really liked what she looked like in everything she wore. Now, as she is in to her 30′s she feels soft and ‘big’. She pointed at me and told me she wanted to be thin and petite like me. I thought, ‘wow’ - how things always look different when someone else is looking at you.

She continued to say that she doesn’t even have children yet, and so this is her ‘last chance’ to look her very best before everything starts going down hill. She said that everyone in her family has a ‘pooch’ and no matter what she does, she can’t seem to get rid of it.

Well – first of all, it blew me away that she felt comfortable enough with me to share such innermost feelings. She appeared very vulnerable and unsure of herself even at her mature age.

So I looked at her, immediately noticed her best features and told her honestly what I saw standing in front of me. I said, “You know, I’ve always hated being so small and petite. I’ve always wanted to be taller. You are the perfect height, like 5’5 or 5’6? (she said 5’5) You are so lucky. And you lean legs and arms, a waist that tapers in. I don’t know why you are so hard on yourself. Sometimes we get so wrapped in seeing what’s missing that we don’t acknowledge what’s already there. There are other women out there that look at you and think ‘I wish I was more like that’ – you have to realize that. I won’t be completely happy with what I have because I am no different than you. But I have gotten better at it. If my husband picked me out as I am, he must think I am perfect this way. So why should I change? Consider that what you criticize about yourself is just how you feel – and not reality. That just trying to accept yourself the way you are is where the real answer is.”

She was grateful for what I shared with her and I was genuine about it all. She had a great figure with absolutely no extra weight on her. She was just comparing herself to who she was when she was stick thin.

I told her that all women have some kind of hang up about themselves and that we are all normal. The only real advice I could give her about losing any weight she felt she needed to was bring in some cardio. That’s it. Nothing else. Make sure the heart rate is raised for a good 30 minutes at the least, and most people will see results within a week or two.

After she thanked me for listening to her and giving her some seemingly soulful advice, I couldn’t help but feel so faced with my own self criticisms. I really need to check myself. I took an honest look in the mirror and thanked myself (and God) for having given me the body that I have. I am fit, and strong, I have birthed 3 beautiful children who love me so much. I have muscles that are tone but not extreme. I am feminine, I am compact, I am small, and I am the prettiest girl in my husband’s eyes.

April just said out loud what so many women feel. I think that we all have something about us we wish we could change. So many of us feel there is this magic ‘place’ we get to with our appearance or our weight and our lives become perfect. What a fallacy.

Because we never get there.

In fact we only get there when we say we are there so why not saying so today?

I seriously need to try that one on!

Namaste.

 

November 20, 2008

Sore and Swollen

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That seems to be the theme today.

I woke up late. My husband muttered, “Joy, it’s 5:30″ and I literally jumped out of bed. My friend Terry told me she would meet me at my house at 5:15 so that we can carpool in early today.

I barely looked at myself in the mirror. I just threw some clothes on as fast as I could and ran downstairs to check if she was waiting in my driveway. Thankfully she was running late too and told me she would be there in about ten minutes.

We made it into work fine but I was disappointed I didn’t get to weigh myself this morning. I decided I want to weigh in once a week and monitor where I am at.

I received my new nutrition plan from my nutritionist yesterday. I don’t know what my calorie consumption is planned for but I will be eating a lot of food plus supplements like Muscle Milk and Whey protein.

I decided I am doing the fitness competition scheduled for March 2009. I know Pete wants me to gain about ten pounds and then we’ll diet down a bit to get super lean.

I am happy to be busting my ass in the gym. My legs are so sore from yesterday so I am happy to be doing upper body today. When I eat I am not always hungry. I eat to keep my muscle mass but a strong side of me is freakishly obsessed about the number on the scale.

I try not to be so attached to it because I know I will be gaining good weight but is still makes me uneasy. I am so committed to my fitness goals that I know I want this more than anything else right now.

In fact, I did another assessment of my physique last night in the bathroom mirror. My upper body is looking good. I can see my lats have gained some mass and my arms are bigger too. I still have plenty of definition so I know my bodyfat has stayed nice and low. But ten more pounds? Shheeeeez.

What I don’t want is for my thighs to get huge. That would not look feminine at all. And frankly, I am only 5’0 tall so I need to keep the leanness in my legs to keep me from looking like a tree trunk.

Anyway – when I got to work I grabbed my gym bag, went to the bathroom and freshened up a bit. I don’t recall eating anything that had a lot of sodium in it but my face appeared a bit puffy to me, my eyes slightly swollen.

I have already drank 24 ounces of water to combat the ‘puff’. It reminds me of the men I see in the gym who are ‘chubby buff’. You know, the guys who walk around spreading their lats, trying to look huge. Yeah, they have mass but zero definition. NOT CUTE. Downright ugly on a woman.

So here I am drinking a ton of water first thing in the morning to make the swelling go away. I’m guessing it’s going to take another 32 ounces of water before I feel I look normal again.

Tonight I teach yoga. My ten year old called me at 6:45am just to tell me she wanted to come to my yoga class tonight. That brought a huge smile to my face. She turns eleven next Saturday the 29th and I am so happy she chooses to spend time with me so much.

Tonight is going to be fun. Getting in the heat always soothes me, plus I am always cold so sweating in a room for 90 minutes makes my day.

I will have to weigh myself tomorrow morning instead. I doubt the scale has changed but I have to be prepared that next week it probably will.

I have to go shopping this weekend and buy all my food for the following week when I start my new eating plan. I’ll be eating a lot of oatmeal, baked potato, rice, and protein enriched pasta to gain some weight.

I can handle the meat, it’s all the carbs I know I will be freaking out over.

I hope I don’t split my skinny pants any time soon!

More on loving being lean, fearing being fat, lifting weights, and hot yoga tomorrow.

Namaste.

 

November 18, 2008

Hot Yoga – SO Hot!

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I love the heat.

I get into the studio about 30 minutes before class starts to turn on the lights, put the signs out, and let the students in early.

What I really look forward to is being in the heat. Especially during this time of the year.

I seriously think the heat helps to combat my depression. I drive into Seattle for work during the week – depression tends to set in for many Seattle – ites during these long dark days.

Tonight I will practice after I teach. I can barely wait!

For those who practice hot yoga – you know that any class that follows a class that just let out – is going to be super hot.

For beginning students this takes time getting used to. But I am prepared. I already drink about a gallon of water a day. I have drank nearly 3/4 gallon already. I am ready to sweat it all out.

I am ready to let my breath move me, and allow my body to fold completely into itself, let my mind focus on where I want to go. I just have a feeling I am going to release some agression, sadness, and stress tonight.

I know that our studio gets anywhere between 110-115 degrees. Talk about soaking wet. I’ll have to remember to bring an extra top after I teach because I don’t want to start out my practice already drenched.

Since it’s been a while I have practiced in the heat, I wonder if I will need to lay down at any given time. Hopefully not. But to be a good teacher, I know I have to be a good student as well. So if I feel faint, I’m coming down when I need to.

On another note this has been a good day so far. Although I drank a ton of water yesterday, I still feel a bit bloated. I think I am STILL retaining water. I can tell when I first wake up in the morning because my face appears a bit puffy and my fingers are slightly swollen.

There is already a huge improvement since I first woke up because I have already drank so much water. After tonight’s class, I’m hoping to feel normal again.

I also got into the gym. I did legs today – and they were so pumped my thighs felt huge. I don’t actually like that feeling. I don’t think any woman does. What I do like about it is that since my figure competitions, whatever pumped up feeling I get anywhere in my body usually equates to muscle definition. My legs shrank so much when I cut my carbs – all my pants swam on me.

It was a short span of time that my body stayed that lean but I loved it and hated it at the same time.

One part of me couldn’t even sit in the dining chair without putting a pillow down because my tailbone stuck out so much. Then the other part of me loved seeing all the cuts and striations over my quad, my sweep and zero jiggle ANYWHERE. After 3 pregnancies – that is something to be proud of!

When I was finished with my leg workout – which took the full hour, I forced myself to look at my reflection when I changed back into my work clothes. I still have a six pack so I am thrilled about that. I can still see the definition in my shoulder caps and biceps. The triceps not so much. In fact, my arms have gained some size. They needed to, I looked way to wiry on stage.

My legs felt like hard watermelon. They were solid. I told myself that if I was disappointed by my reflection in the mirror, that would just motivate me to eat clean and drink only water for the rest of the week.

As I was ready to put my pants back on, I took an honest look at my lower body. Not bad – I guess. My thighs defnitely had the pumped up quality to them. But the shape of my legs looked good. I could see curve and not a cottage cheese dimple in sight. So happy about that!

I will have to take another look at the end of the week and sum up how well I have done. I know that getting into the gym won’t be a problem. I just hope that I can lay off the sweets – which seems to be my poison of choice.

So that’s my Tuesday. Tomorrow I write about my yoga practice. And hopefully I will be sore on every inch of my body.

Namaste.

 

November 17, 2008

Weekend results…

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…minimally bad. Thank goodness.

I would like to think I am coasting down hill now and things will only look better.

Yes, I still ate chocolate – but only half as much as last weekend. And only yesterday. Saturday was a totally acceptable day!

So even though my fingers still have a sausage like quality to them – I am happy to report I feel much better about myself than I have in the past month.

Last night I wanted to practice hot yoga before I taught the 7:00 class. But I took my son to a Sunday class at church at 3:00 thinking it would be over by 4:00. It wasn’t over until nearly 4:30; so not enough time to book it back to Mill Creek from Seattle. And I had to stop for gas.

Since it cut into my plans – I made a stop at Safeway and bought myself a slice of chocolate cake. I couldn’t eat majority of the frosting. It was SO rich it almost made me sick.

I’m just happy I didn’t eat a bucket of hot wings and a bag of chips to go along with it!

It was definitely a successful weekend.

On another note – I had a great check in with my nutritionist last Wednesday night. It has been a month since my figure competition and I have only gained 5 pounds.

It felt like 8 but I weighed in at 95.6 pounds on Thursday morning. I am pretty good about not weighing myself very often. I don’t want to be obsessed by the number on the scale. I can tell by the way my clothes fit me and frankly they still felt quite loose on me.

That’s because my bodyfat stayed amazingly low. I am at 9 percent! This made my day. I am elated that after all my weekend binges, I am not full fatty.

I know that I want to continue competing but I also remember the feedback I receivd from the judges. I am still too thin. This is something I would have loved to have heard back when in college. For anyone who is into bodybuilding, it’s the last thing you want to hear.

I am happy that I haven’t turned into a blimp, but I fear gaining more weight because of my twisted body image.

My nutritionist was happy to see my bodyfat stayed down. He confirmed I don’t need to do any cardio right now. I can wait on running during the weekends until maybe about 8-10 weeks out from my contest.

In fact, he’s hoping to see me gain ten more pounds.

Ten more pounds?

That’s going to put me over 100 pounds. As crazy as that sounds to most people – I don’t know if I really want to do that.

I like fitting into my itty bitty clothing. And I don’t think Ian wants me to buy new clothes to make room for my growing ass.

So here I am – caught in this sounding-so-superficial-drama-of-gaining-weight to place higher in a figure contest – but struggling to stay the petite flower that I am. I sound like a self centered little priss. Which I assure you - I AM NOT.

Putting on the pounds is not difficult. You want me to gain ten pounds? I can do that. All I have to eat is cookies, chocolate, and cake. Oh – and an occasional bag of chips.

But since I am trying to gain mostly muscle, I know its’ going to be a steep up hill. I know it’s going to mean eating a lot of meat – all lean cuts like white fish, turkey breast, chicken, and lean cuts of red meat. There’s also plenty of egg whites and protein drinks.

It means eating when I am not necessarily hungry.

Once I gain the 10 pounds, I’ll diet down about 4 pounds and compete at 5 percent bodyfat again – hopefully showing off much more muscle than my first contests. I look forward to the challenge, it’s the mental strain of food intake and weight gain that will be harder for me.

Today I return to the gym after having given my body 2 days of rest. I needed it. My trainer had increased my weights at the gym as well as the level of intensity. I could barely walk this weekend and my back is just now starting to feel normal again.

I love being sore because I know my muscles are growing, but at the same time, some part of my body is always completely fatigued. By the time Fridays come around, I look forward to my weekend of rest.

I am trying to get out of my head the distorted view of my body. Obviously I have fears that come up immediately regarding my bodybuilding goals. I know it’s not realistic to stay at a low body fat percentage, but that’s when I feel so in control, so lean.

No wonder my disordered eating habits creep back into my life. This is just who I am.

I will however state that I am happy I did not go off the deep end this weekend. I didn’t just sit on the couch and eat a basket of chocolate – or a box of cookies.

My next thing is looking in the mirror and hold the criticism.

No, I don’t think I look fat. In fact, I think most lean women who are in the same boat I am don’t think that way. It’s that I feel fat based on how I eat any given day, whether I got into the gym or not, or drank enough water…

I would like to look in the mirror and say – my legs are nicely developed, my arms look great. That to me sounds healthy.

I still have a lot to work on but it’s the beginning of the week and I am ready to hit it hard in the gym like I usually do. Although I am not doing any cardio right now, I am trying to fit in doing a couple sessions of hot yoga a week, just to keep my flexibility and give me peace of mind.

So far, so good. I hope it stays this way.

Namaste.

 

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