August 11, 2010

The Grass is Always Greener…so they say

Posted by joya under Family, Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships
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It’s always the same story – I know I need to blog more.

I started a post about 3 weeks ago titled, “When your husband asks – why did you marry me?” - I have yet to finish it because it seems our relationship is up and down within a normal day – I can’ keep up. Clearly – I don’t type fast enough either.

It seems as though my story is always the same. I am still feeling overwhelmed with working my 2 jobs – however returning to yoga a couple weeks ago has felt like the return of an old, trusted friend. I am back to working M-F at my day job – and Saturday and Sunday in the hot yoga studio.

Although I complain about never getting enough sleep, and just wanting to be with my kids, my time in the studio has done me wonders. I am feeling more like myself in the past 10 days, I am even sleeping better.

My husband and I are in one  of our funks again  – which always feel like another cross to bear, because clearly I still love him so much. It has been over 2 years since he has worked. He is still in school. He is lazier than ever, sorry honey if you’re reading this, but HE IS. In response I seem to have developed some OCD tendencies…these random coping mechanisms that seem to revolve around sweeping my kitchen floor 5 times a day and a strong attraction to the latest and greatest household cleaners.

My husband complains about the fact that the minute I get home, I am scrubbing the kitchen sink, and wiping down tables and counters. I create projects around re-organizing areas in our house, in my closet, book shelves, you name it.

I am not sure if what he really wants is time from me, because honestly I can’t even get the guy to get up from the couch when I walk through the door. And when I have 4 kids asking me what I am making for dinner before how my day was, you can imagine…after being at work for the past 9 hours, I am ready to go into my closet, change into my yoga gear – and work some more.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what was meant to be – if I am supposed to work my ass off – pay for bills – school supplies and clothes for 4 children all in school. I sit sometimes (with drink in hand) and wonder if I will always be the one to just “take care of things.”

My parents must have raised me the right way – they always told me I needed to be responsible and learn how to take care of my family. But the difference is it was my dad who took most of that role on. My mom cooked, cleaned, made sure we had clothes that fit right…normal stuff.

My current life appears I am doing both. I am not looking for special recognition here, I am looking for relief. Funny my husband tells me, “Joy, I don’t ask you to teach yoga. You CHOOSE to work your second job. You do that to yourself.”

Well – I guess my response is when you’re not in the driver’s seat to pay bills on time as they come in, and budgeting for upcoming school expenses, then I guess you have nothing to worry about. I know my husband loves me, but I will take the blame for always saying, “Don’t worry about it – I’ll take care of it.”

I had agreed that we were on a 2 year plan, and that I would take over for 2 years so that he could concentrate and go to school. But I also know there are plenty of people who work AND go to school – AND have children. I brought this up a couple times and he would fly off the handle. I am usually left thinking, “how did I become such an asshole in this scenario?”

My husband told me just a few weeks ago that he isn’t the same person anymore. Since he got laid off in 2008, he has totally lost his identity. He also feels isolated, unproductive and unmotivated. I try to encourage him to get in the gym or walk the dogs, get some exercise…one morning he got up at 9:00, then went downstairs and laid on the couch. I couldn’t help but think, “Wow – how often does he do that when I am at work?”

I try to empathize with him, I understand that men have a much harder time losing their job than women do. I understand that he has some depression he has to deal with…but we also have 4 kids. And frankly – I am TIRED!

I have had to talk to our kids on several occasions that asking me what I making for dinner when I walk through the door, BEFORE I even set mykeys down, is not going to produce the best reaction out of me.

I try to get my husband involved – I will ask him to take chicken out of the freezer and encourage him to grill it, or throw it in the crockpot with some veggies and broth. The only problem with that, is often times I will come home and he will simply respond with, “I forgot”.

I used to fight about this stuff all the time. In the past year I have totally given up in the conversation. Especially because I end up feeling like I put too much pressure on him. How can I be putting too much pressure on him when I am still the one doing most of the work?

The last discussion we had was over his lack of confidence and motivation to even find a job. He continued to tell me he was not the same person anymore…that he has no idea what to do with his life, and that he has none. I told him he is married with kids, that IS a life, whether you like it or not.

I know I don’t say the right thing all the time, but I am sensitive to his feelings. I hardly engage in conversation with him unless I can gauge that he even wants to talk to me. I have been walking on eggshells for a long time now, and I am worn down.

When he told me he doesn’t know what he is going to do with his life, I couldn’t help but think, “We are not going to make it, are we?” When I cried myself to sleep that night, I dreamt of our break up. I envisionedhim finding peace without me. Shit, maybe I am what’s holding him back.

You know they say “The grass is always greener…” but is it, really?

Would my life be any easier without him by my side? Aren’t married couples supposed to go through these rough spots and come out stronger, better?

Somebody tell me yes.

 

July 7, 2010

Some Things New, some still old

Posted by joya under Clueless Husband, Family, Life, Relationships, Work
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Nearly a month later – this post is proof you just never know where you will be one month to the next, or even one day to the next.

Living in the Northwest – we have been experiencing the coldest summer in a long time – today however it is going to be close to 90 degrees.

I have today off and I am taking my kids to a nearby lake. I will pack up the picnic basket (yes – I actually have a traditional one!) and just let the sun kiss us for as long as the food lasts and as long as the kids still have energy. I am happy today.

It is not even 8:00 in the morning and I am meeting my sister at 9:30 at our mother’s gravesite. She has been gone for 4 years and now that my sister is home for the summer, we often talk about her. It makes us feel close to her, but Imiss her the same.The family is still asleep upstairs – and I feel peace being the only one awake and buzzing around, ready to make some scones before I leave the house.

I am starting a new job on Monday! I don’t even know how I got so lucky – but I am starting the ‘dream job’ – it’s so wonderful I have to save it for a separate post!

My husband is still in school, and still not working. It has been over 2 years. I am back and forth about our situation all the time. There are times I just ‘choose’ to not let it bug me…see, I am great with our finances and we have no issues even though I am the only one really bringing in income.

Then there are days I come home and he is lying on the couch. I will ask him what he has done all day and often the answer is ‘nothing’. He tells me he is tired, he tells me he is not ‘feeling that well’. We woke up late a couple days ago, nearly 9:00 in the morning. I tell him to come downstairs because I made some coffee…I pour him a cup…he comes downstairs and guess what?

He lays down on the couch!

So I have to get up and do my own thing…I don’t want to fight because it’s not worth it. I don’t want to get upset over it because I know it’s just normal ‘marriage conflict’ – never anything serious…but it drives me crazy he has NO motivation to do anything. Nothing moves him to help me around the house, or with the kids. To this day, I can work for 10 hours straight, I will come home and he will ask me “What should WE do for dinner?”.

Are you serious?

So – some things change, some still stay the same.

Although I look forward to my next adventure, I wish my husband could see that I am so ‘over’ the situation we are in.

 

June 9, 2010

What is your life telling you….

Posted by joya under Life, Work
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…because honestly my life is telling me I need to slow down.

…do you listen to your gut feeling? I typically do, or have, but I’m feeling like my life is controlling me.

I used to blog frequently, I don’t even have the time to do that anymore.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I’m back to the whole “I thought I would be in a different place at this age…”

I’ve been feeling this way for a while. Sometimes, sitting down and being present to the fact that I feel little control over the way my life is going – is so unsettling that I don’t even want to think about. That’s my biggest excuse for not blogging, journaling, or sitting quietly with my thoughts. So not happy with that.

Tomorrow I decided to leave work early and although I have one meeting that I ‘just have to’ keep, I am going to take the rest of the day to have dessert with my sister who is in town for 2 months with her 2 boys. Having my sister close to me this summer makes me happy. So I am going to take advantage of our time together and catch up.

I haven’t worked out in what seems like a month, and my dreams of being an NPC competitor are slowly dying. I think about my age, the lack of time to set goals and stick with them – I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

My stomach – as always – is the first to react to stress, imbalance, andemotional angst.

In fact, in past posts I have complained how hard it is to lose weigth after 4o, now I am too scared to get on the scale and see what the number is. I feel like I am 90 pounds, if I am lucky. If I am lucky, my 12 year old daughter still weighs less than me.

I think I am pretty good about hiding my weight loss because I don’t really wear fitted clothes. Today – my skinniest jeans are so baggy, I could roll them at the waist, so I decided to wear a dress over it, and then a cardigan to hide it all. I’m also freezing all the time – not only because the air conditioner blasts at my desk, but my thin frame just doesn’t have a whole lot of protection against the cold.

I don’t eat every 3 hours like I used to when I was preparing for a competition. I only eat when I am hungry  now, and sometimes I can go most of my work day without eating much at all.

I guess it’s time to face the fact my day job is throwing me off kilter, but finding the time to find yet another new job is going to take time.

 I took a 2 month sabbatical from teaching yoga – because I want to be a student for a while – but at this point, I just want to feel like my normal self again, I just want to feel good.

I hope to find comfort soon in anything – so hopefully my next post will be more like me.

Hoping that will be tomorrow, and I can share celebrating my birthday in the ‘joy’ way most people are used to hearing and reading.

Namaste.

 

May 11, 2010

My Mother’s Day and Staying Young

Posted by joya under Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , |
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I haven’t been blogging on a regular basis and I know it’s because I just have this hectic and busy life that doesn’t allow me the time to get everything on my list done.

But I also believe that so much of our reality is whatever we make of it. I am busy and overwhelmed because I feel this way – therefore it is so.

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and I was up about 6:30 a.m. to get ready for my 2 yoga classes I was teaching that morning.

I had finished pretty much all the laundry the night before because I didn’t want to do any chores on ‘my day’. Before I left I took note of the dust on our hardwood floors, the junk mail piling up on top of our dining table, our kitchen counter, the coffee table. The garbage needed to be taken out, we need more groceries….and so on and so on.

I stopped by a drive thru Espresso stand a couple blocks away from the studio. The same nice gal greeted me with a smile as always, “Special today made with Soy?”

“Yes, please” as I smile back. The sun is shining already and it’s nearly 7:30. I am happy, and sad at the same time. Happy because the sun is out and I can feel the warmth through the windows. Sad because my mom passed away 4 years ago and I really miss her. That never changes.

My first hatha class was not as full as it usually is. I guessed because it was Mother’s Day, moms were being taken out for breakfast, sleeping in, or celebrating in their own special way.

I greeted each mom with a happy mother’s day and gave them the gift of being present in their practice with them. Time always go by fast when I teach.

My power vinyasa class went by even faster. I took my time making sure the studio was ready for the next class, which wasn’t for another 4 hours.

Driving home I was so present in the absence of my mother. I could just see her sweet face and hear her little Filipino accent. It made me smile but my chest became tight. I drove slower just because I wanted to give myself a little time to cry and get over my emotion before my kids saw me once I arrived home.

My phone rang it was my daughter Michal (who is 12 years old) asking me when I was coming home. I told her I was on my way and she was so excited.

Every Sunday after I teach I work through our front doors just completely drenched, starving, and red in the cheeks.

My kids could not even wait for me to walk to the porch. They all spilled out of the front door screaming that the house is clean and they have a surprise for me.

Sure enough, the house was spotless. My husband washed our floors. The kids put all their toys away, jackets weren’t on the floor. Shoes were lined up outside on the porch.

The house smelled of bacon, eggs, pancake syrup and coffee. A serious spread of my favorite breakfast food was prepared on our dining table. Flowers were in the middle, and all my favorite treats: King Size M&M’s, King Size Snickers, and a Diet Dr. Pepper!

My husband made french toast, there was orange juice, strawberries, raspberries, and banana slices. I sat down and we ate it all up.

It was delicious.

I could not help but be thankful and so impressed by their acts of service, kindness, and love for me. All the kids made me homemade cards and wrote me notes about how they appreciated me.

My heart felt full of joy and I thanked God for blessing me with this family.

We took full advantage of the sunny day and went into Seattle to visit my mom at her gravesite. My Dad surprisingly showed up only 5 minutes after I was arranging her flowers. He was happy to see me, and I felt like she was there smiling down on us.

It was a perfect day.

There are days I feel ‘old’ – whatever that means…

Days when I see my 12 year old is nearly as tall as me and the rest of my kids catching up fast.

Within a handful of years I won’t be their focus anymore. It will shift to their peers, their friends, and Lord help me, their boyfriends and girlfriends.

Today I feel young because my heart is so full of gratitude, so full of joy, so full of feeling blessed for being a mom. Loving them is easy, but the rewards I feel in return cannot even be expressed.

So today I can say I feel young, and I want to stay feeling this way for as long as I choose to.

I hope other mothers feel as lucky and blessed as I do.

Namaste.

 

April 13, 2010

Wives – do you miss your husbands?

Posted by joya under Love, Marriage, Relationships
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Most of my friends are either married or in a serious relationship. Most of them have been in their relationships for quite some time now. I think it’s safe to share that most of us feel comfortable in our relationships with our husbands or boyfriends.

There is nothing wrong with feeling comfortable in our relationships. In fact, comfort is always a good thing. But sometimes it gets boring.

You know – same old everything. During the week it’s work, the kids, the pets. During the weekend it’s house cleaning, chores, errands, maybe a birthday here or there, maybe a dinner, or if you’re lucky a date with your man.

My husband and I don’t do the date thing very often. In fact, it happens about less than ten times a year. Couples like us should go out more often because we have 4 kids. We need the break, right?

But then there’s the whole “…but I’m so tired…” conversation that happens all the time. And I’m not saying it’s him either that does that. Clearly it’s me who says it majority of the time.

The thing is – as I write this blog – I really miss my husband. We are always 2 ships that pass in the night.

He’s not a real morning person, I can’t seem to stay up past 10.

I love to work out, that’s not at all his thing.

He’s artistic, I’m so NOT.

But when I think of him I miss him so much. We don’t see each other very often – or take the time to sit and make out on the couch (kids get grossed out by that). Our bed, which is old, is too soft with no support and I am in pain when I sleep on it.

So I have been sleeping on the couch for over a month now.

We’re not fighting, we’re not bickering. We clearly love each other. We are just on different schedules. We are a tag team.

The family gets taken care of. Our kids are happy and do well in school. Bills get paid. There is no “drama” happening in our immediate families. Life is good.

But I miss him. I just miss crashing on the couch and holding hands. I miss getting ready to go out on a date with my husband and wanting to look pretty for him. I miss him telling me how beautiful I am.

I just miss all the little things.

 

April 13, 2010

Figure Competition number 4! results…

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…it has been over a month since I last posted. Life happens that way! I do miss sharing my sometimes crazy life with a sea of people who really have no idea who I am…but it feels good to just write and express whatever is on my mind.

I was one of 17 girls in the 5’3 and under height class at the 2010 Vancouver, WA Fitness, Figure, Bodybuilding, and Bikini contest on March 27th.

Well, these shows are getting popular because there were about 126 girls registered for the show. There were Fitness and Jr. Fitness girls, Figure (my category and the largest), and Bikini -which is growing fast!

When I checked in on Friday night, they took my height and obviously put me in the short class. I am only 5’0 and I was disappointed that they stretched the height class to girls up to 5’3. I say this because I am so petite that my disadvantage in these shows is being placed next to someone several inches taller than me. They have always been so much bigger than me so even though I think I look well defined and muscular, I often look a little thin.

Well – that being said, I took 6th place out of 17 girls in my height class. The judges hand out scorecards to every single competitor, whether you placed in the top 5 or not. I basically missed the top 5 by one point.

Well – today is April 13th and my next show is this Friday, April 16th.

Preparing for these shows are hard.

Working out is rarely difficult for me. I am like everyone else who competes, I love to lift iron. The hard part is the diet. Once my carbs are low, the workouts become difficult. I just don’t have a whole lot of energy to lift as heavy as I would like to. My endurance suffers. I am just tired, sleepy and sore.

I am really lean right now and I do like the way I look. But I don’t know too many people who can maintain this low bodyfat for very long.

I love that I can fit in all my skinny jeans. I love that I am just solid. I feel strong.

I know that once my show is done, the bodyfat will creep back up and I will be softer. And I like that too.

We’ll see how it goes this Friday. I’ll post a couple pictures:)

 

February 23, 2010

Are there a lot of lonely wives out there?

Posted by joya under Love, Marriage, Relationships, broken heart | Tags: |
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I decided to post on this topic because I have had a couple conversations with friends of mine who insist most women are NOT happy in their marriages.

I am not out there interviewing wives, mothers, and long timers in relationships. I know this sounds like a generalization but I am starting to think that there ARE many lonely people in their relationships. It’s not just women, men seem to be hurting too.

Out of all comments I receive, I get the most responses come from women who are struggling to get over a broken heart and women who are completely unhappy in their relationship. I don’t necessarily think people are looking for answers, I just think that a lot of us find comfort knowing we are not alone.

I post all the time that marriage is work, relationships are work. You have to put some little bit of effort EVERY DAY to keep things going well – or to improve your situation. But depending on how bad things are, even a simple “hi” when you pass each other in the kitchen can feel like too much.

Not too long ago, my husband and I were on completely opposite schedules. I am working 2 jobs, he is in school. We have four children. Basically, no time for anything. We both feel like there is simply ‘no time’ for each other. By the end of the day, we both just want to sleep, completely undisturbed…no little knocks on the door asking to come in.

Over time, we resent our partner, the person we KNOW we love the most. We act like we don’t NEED them. Or – I know I have. I find myself listening to talk shows on the radio and feel great comfort when other women complain about their husbands.

But see, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be like so many other women who feel hatred for their spouse. I know it’s not REAL hatred. But those negative feelings really start to pile on top of each other and it never goes anywhere.

Recently my husband told me that he thought it was his layoff nearly 2 years ago that made him depressed. It was definitely one of the factors but in the process he pulled away from me, stopped helping me around the house. He became bitter and short with the kids. Basically, he wasn’t any fun to be around.

I brought it to his attention that we were heading in a bad path. He got defensive. I am sure I didn’t say things perfectly, but I tried. I felt as though he didn’t even want me to love him. He was still pushing me away.

I was a lot of things – but mad and hurt with the top two places I was living in. I didn’t want to clean up after his sorry ass anymore. I didn’t want to tip toe around his crumbled ego egg shells and apologize about every little thing I may have done to make his life difficult.

He knew where I stood and I just took a step back and said to myself I needed to take a break from talking to him and trying love on him when he clearly wasn’t having me.

So are there a lot of women out there who have been where I have been? Oh yeah.

I guess my point is that it won’t last if you don’t want it to. I know that’s not the perfect answer but talking to other women who hate their husbands and wishing for no improvement in the future will probably keep you in the downward spiral. Daydreaming about a divorce won’t get you anywhere either.

So, if you want to make it better, start with saying so. The power of ‘declaration’ is profound. I journal – and blog – and share – in a positive spirit. I find comfort in this. I am hoping other women can join in that simple action.

Namaste.

 

February 10, 2010

Figure competition – 6 weeks out

Posted by joya under Figure contest prep, The weigh in, working out | Tags: , |
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Well, I am almost 6 weeks out…and I am finally seeing some definition in my legs. Goodness, that took forever.

I swear it’s this whole “40 year old” thing. I don’t look 40, but my body is definitely telling me I am not 25 anymore.

I was talking to my friend Lisa last week. She’s only about a year younger than me but she can totally relate to my newfound dilemma.

I noticed about 5 months ago that I get a pimple (or 2) during my monthly cycle. Even as a teenager I had never experienced acne, but I am seriously considering trying ‘Pro Activ” at this point because I feel like a stressed teenager whenever I see the red bump forming on my chin.

My contest preps have been fairly easy. I have been lucky that I have never had to ‘suffer’ as much as other people during the few weeks leading up to the show. I never had to so much cardio, I can still eat some carbs here and there.

It’s definitely a different situation this time.

I’ve become pretty sensitive to sodium  – which is sad because being Filipino…let’s just say I have a jug of soy sauce in my kitchen. I have to really monitor my sodium intake. If I do decide to divulge in sodium – say some Kettle Chips – those salt and pepper ones always hit the spot – well I have to drink a gallon of water the next day to flush it out of my system.

It’s just a lot of work to enjoy food that I crave and love.

Not to mention that I HAVE to do cardio see results in my lower body. My lower body has always been my tough area. I typically don’t see any real separation of muscle until just the few weeks leading up to my show.

Well I don’t have any cellulite – but I have some jiggle going on and that’s not anything any competitor wants to see.

See – I do this ‘jiggle test’…side note: my kids laughed so hard when I told them that I do this. They can’t believe I even do something as silly as this.

Anyway – the jiggle test typically occurs on the weekend. I will jog naked in front of a full length mirror so see how bad the jiggle is. Now, the chest can jiggle – a lot even and I am completely fine with that. But the amount of jiggle happening in the lower part of my body is the focus of the test.

Last Saturday there was a good amount of jiggling happenning in the booty area. The upper thigh area was pretty disheartening too. So – that was my motivation to drink more than my normal amount of water that I drink, really work hard in my power yoga class, and run a few miles the next day.

Thankfully, my stomach is tight so no worries there.

Anyway – so I perform the jiggle test on Saturday mornings, trying not to do it during the week at all when I am in the gym lifting weights and eating clean all week.

6 weeks out. I still have time to keep my focus strong, lift heavy but safe in the gym, and keep on my diet. I always shoot to place in the top 5, but really want to stay in the top 3.

I’m 100 pounds and 8 percent body fat.

The goal is to be about 97 or 98 pounds on stage and 6 percent bodyfat.

I am right on track!

 

February 10, 2010

Marriage is always work

Posted by joya under Life, Love, Marriage, working out | Tags: , |
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Relationships are hard. Period. For some people they are harder in the beginning, and for some it’s harder as the years go by.

It doesn’t matter when it happens to you, you know it’s happening and if you’re like me, you just don’t understand why it does.

Once you get over the initial magnetic and highly physical stage of your relationship, reality creeps in. It’s not just our men. I’m pretty sure we are not perfect either.

I don’t know if this happens to people who are platonic friends at first, and then end up having an intimate relationship. I tend to think those relationships fare better than others. Nonetheless, bottom line is – it’s hard to keep the excitement going. It’s hard to always be happy. It’s hard to always keep your spouse interested.

I personally am in my second marriage. My husband and I have 4 children, 2 of them from my previous marriage and 1 from his. So – that is just another component to throw into the mix, making the odds of hard work even higher.

But I am a firm believer in commitment. I personally KNOW I have to put some effort into my marriage on a daily basis or else things will start to fall apart.

I know every situation is different but I think we all want the same thing. I know I want my husband to tell me “thank you” when I do something nice for him. I want him to notice if I have lipstick on or did something different to my hair. I want him to look at me like I’m still the prettiest girl he knows.

And I’m pretty sure he still wants me to reach out to him with affection, to smile at him when he is looking at me, to welcome his touch when he reaches out to me.

So why does it become difficult over time? Because even though we want these simple things from our relationship, something weird happens and we want the other person to do something first.

I’m interested to hear what other women are thinking. It doesn’t really matter if you are married or in a long term relationship…what has been your experience so far?

My husband and I are so busy with school, our children, me working way too much…that we have completely put our relationship on the backburner and both of us are missing each other – very much.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep ‘starting over’ in your relationship. It’s typically the same conversation, the same fight, with little resolve. I can’t say I have any answers, only that I am committed to my relationship and believe in my heart that it’s a rough ride right now and somehow it will work out.

I always feel that things will improve if you just believe in your heart that it will. It’s important to say it out loud, like declare it, and act as if you’re already there, and it will become so.

Sounds so much easier than it truly is. But I will try it – every day.

 

January 20, 2010

Why is it harder to lose weight over 40?

Posted by joya under Figure contest prep, The weigh in, working out | Tags: , , , |
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I don’t know the answer to this question. I hate that.

I am posting because I am 9 1/2 weeks out from my next figure competition and I hit 40 years old last June. This is my third year competing and it appears that getting rid of fat is more of a challenge for me now.

I have a girlfriend, who is also 40, who told me that to lose weight at our age you literally have to stop eating – or restrict eating. Now – I have never really had to do that but I am feeling it now.

So I tried it just yesterday. I need to drop a couple pounds. This was really more of a test than anything else. Knowing I need to prepare for a competition the right way, skipping meals is not a smart choice because it just messes up my metabolism.

Well, I skipped one of my lunches, leaving a 4 1/2 hour gap in between meals and I was starving. I typically go between 2 1/2 hours to 3 hours in between meals. My energy levels stay even and I am never hungry. I like that.

Well, yesterday I couldn’t even focus. Plus my stomach was growling. I can’t even remember the last time I let my stomach growl. Then I was just in a bad mood.

Now – I don’t weigh myself. I wait until I check in with Pete, my nutritionist and coach because he monitors my body fat ever week. I’ll be seeing him on Friday morning at 7:30 after I am done with my morning workout.

I have been pretty good about my eating. I don’t eat anything fried, no sugar, and no alcohol all week. On a Saturday I will let myself have one glass of wine and on Sunday I will eat a treat along with my cheat meal.

Well, the scale is not budging. I would think once I modified my diet and lay off the bad stuff, that the pounds would drop a bit. I hate sounding so self critical, but what’s my problem?

I haven’t really had to do much cardio either. I have just been blessed with a fast metabolism and great genetics. Well then – I am left to think it’s because I am getting older and my hormones are changing – thus the weight has packed on during the off season and now it’s not sliding off like it usually does.

I am not going to stress about any of this just yet – because I am far from my show. I have nearly 9 more weeks to go and the numbers are far from bad. It’s just interesting that my normal modification has not shown any results.

I have just been happy that the 40 seemed to be the new 30. And I am certainly happy with how well I have aged. But what is going on?

Today I worked out my shoulders and chest. I worked out hard enough that I simply could not lift my arms up anymore and I felt a great pump around my delts.

I drink a gallon of water a day and a cup of coffee in the morning, nothing else. My diet is clean. So I guess I need to start sweating more, huh?

Well – we’ll see. I will post my results on Friday morning…

 

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